What is Gaslighting and Why Do You Need to Avoid It?

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that is used to make someone question their sanity. 

In some cases, the abuser may make repeated passes at the victim with enough subtlety to be considered normal behavior. 

Gaslighting can be done through various techniques, including telling blatant lies, denying things that one has said or done, misconstruing what has been said, feigning confusion about something important, and using subtle sarcasm or other humor to make someone question themselves.

It typically includes three stages:

(l) making you doubt your own sanity.

(2) instilling doubt in your own memory and perception.

(3) Finally, convincing you that you are insane or delusional when, in fact, you are perfectly normal mentally.

Gaslighting can be done over a long period of time, or it can happen all at once. Gaslighting is often done by someone who is close to the victim, such as a spouse, partner, parent, friend, or boss.

The abuser will often use this technique so they can have power over the victim, and it can also be used as a way of making it harder for the victim to leave them if they are abusive.

The gaslighter will do things like denying they said something, accuse you of doing something wrong or not caring about them, and make you feel guilty for being upset about their behavior. They will also use other people to gaslight you by telling others lies about what you have said or done, thereby getting them on their side against you.

Another way gaslighting can happen is through projection, where the abuser accuses you of doing something that they are actually doing themselves.

Lie about things that you know are true, but insist that you are too sensitive or crazy to see the truth.

The term "gaslighting" comes from the 1938 play "Gas Light," which was written by Patrick Hamilton. The story involves a man who tries to convince his wife she's mentally ill by making her think she's going crazy and making small changes in their house that she doesn't notice until they add up to something big.

Watch the video "Gaslighting phases and phrases": disbelief, defense, and depression.

How to Deal with a Gaslighter Boss or Coworker

A toxic boss or coworker can be defined as a person who has an attitude that is harmful to the health and well-being of others. They are often manipulative and make other people feel bad about themselves. 

There are many ways to handle a toxic boss or coworker. 

One way is to try and communicate with them about their behavior, but this can be difficult because they usually don't want to talk about it. 

Another way is to try and find another job, but this may not always be possible because of the lack of jobs in today's economy.

The best way to deal with a toxic boss or coworker is by avoiding them when possible, trying not to let them get under your skin, and finding ways to cope with their negativity.

Be assertive and confront them when they do something that makes you uncomfortable. 

You can also create boundaries for yourself in the workplace so that it is clear what behaviors are acceptable or not, and if your boss crosses those boundaries, then confront them again.

Some common signs that you might be emotionally abused in a domestic relationship.

You feel like you're walking on eggshells around your partner, constantly trying not to say or do anything that will upset them.

Your partner makes you feel guilty about spending time with friends and family members, even if they are supportive of you.

Your partner accuses you of cheating on them when you know it's not true.

They make fun of how you look, dress, or act in front of other people.

How to Protect Yourself from Narcissists in Your Life.

Narcissists are often difficult to spot. They can be charming, charismatic, and persuasive. It is not unusual for a narcissist to be a friend or family member you have known for years. You may not know that they are a narcissist because they are so good at hiding their true self. The first step in protecting yourself from the narcissist in your life is recognizing the characteristics of a narcissist. They possess qualities such as entitlement, arrogance, and an inflated sense of self-worth. They also have no empathy for others and take advantage of other people without remorse or guilt. If you have recognized these traits in someone close to you, it is vital to understand the defense tactics that they use to keep their victim under control. The defense tactic that narcissists often use is projection. 

Projection is the act of placing your own thoughts and feelings on someone else, usually a child or coworker, even though you are the one who caused them. 

This can be done through verbal abuse, threats, violence, isolation, and intimidation. Narcissists often use their children as pawns.

How to Protect Yourself from Gaslighting and Avoid Abuse of This Kind

It's imperative to know how to identify gaslighting behavior in order to get out of relationships with controllers before they have a chance to do any lasting damage.

Signs of being manipulated by a narcissist can be feeling like the other person determines your thoughts and feelings, difficulty making decisions, or feeling like you are going crazy.

The gaslighter will be charming to other people in front of the victim, but then demeaning or dismissive when in private.

It's important to remember that if someone has been gaslighting you for a long time, then it's not your fault. You need to know how to stay safe and protect yourself. 

If you are concerned about your partner's gaslighting, explain how it makes you feel unsafe and that it's not your fault.

The abuser's goal is to make you distrust your own thoughts, feelings, memories, and perceptions. The more you question yourself, the easier it becomes for the abuser to manipulate your behavior. 

If you think you're being gaslighted by someone close to you, don't panic. There are some steps that you can take to protect yourself from this type of abuse.

Listen carefully to your feelings and get support from others who understand what's happening.

Keep records of all conversations with the abuser so that if things escalate further

The best way to deal with gaslighting behavior is to not engage in it at all. 

If you are being gaslighted, the best thing you can do is remove yourself from the situation as soon as possible and find someone who can support you.

Treatment Options for Victims of Gaslighting and Emotional Abuse

Gaslighting is a tactic used by abusive people to make their victims doubt their own perceptions and memories. It is a form of psychological abuse that can be difficult to spot, but it is one of the most common forms of abuse in relationships.

Gaslighting survivors may experience depression, anxiety, and PTSD as a result of this type of abuse. In order to find effective treatment options for them, we need to understand how gaslighting works. There are many ways that gaslighting can manifest itself in an individual’s life from social media posts to romantic relationships.

Gaslighting can happen in any relationship, whether it’s romantic or platonic. It might also happen with family members such as parents or siblings. 

The best way for victims of gaslighting to recover from the trauma is through therapy and other mental health interventions. 

Further Reading References:

"The Gaslight Effect" book written by Dr. Robin Stern contains valuable insight into this topic. To quote him, "Dr. Robin Stern shows how the Gaslight Effect works and tells you how to turn up your Gaslight Radar, so you know when a relationship is headed for trouble."

Dr. Ramani Youtube Video: The Insults you hear in a narcissistic Relationship

Written by S.Ndisya (Insightful Blogger)